there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
