I think i peed on brittanys purse
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
