I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
