gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
