Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
