He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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