WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
