Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
