I cockslap morals
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
