So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
