is your mom at the bar?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
