I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
