I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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