Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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