Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
