I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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