just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
