His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
