all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
