Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
