i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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