I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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