my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
