exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
