I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
