We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
