Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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