well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
