while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
