dude i'm inner monologue high
are you so shy because you have an std?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
