Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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