so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
