Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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