im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
