I will die if light touches me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
