I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Randomize
