Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
