we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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