You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is wine microwaveable?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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