I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
