I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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