that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
