There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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