I don't think brook has ever known best
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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