I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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