he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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