if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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