WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
