Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
