you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
