WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
