Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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