Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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